the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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