Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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