I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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