This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
