At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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