tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
