just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
