her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So vagazzling was a success
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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