We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
