So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize