so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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