stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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