im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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