The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
