ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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