Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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