So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
