Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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