2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
