Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
