omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Damn victory sex feels great
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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