just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
