Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
