I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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