Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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