i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
