Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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