you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
