Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
