I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Text me some of your sweat
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