I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
