'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
