She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
