I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you never un-have a 4some
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
