i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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