it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
