i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think a kid would responsible me up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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