whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
