Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
