he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
