my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
