my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
