It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
