Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
