dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
