i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
A+ Viking dick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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