she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
