Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she looked like the before picture.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
