So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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