I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
