Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
