why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
