Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
