i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
