I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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