why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't deserve a penis
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
