I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize