I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
