STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
