a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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