You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
