kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
