In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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