I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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