yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
