i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
