Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
