Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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