Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You've changed since you got that strap on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize