Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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