Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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